She stood there, hovering over me — taller than the other 10-year-olds in my class and bigger, by far.
The kids were afraid of her. She wasn’t above using force to get what she wanted and so. every kid in class took turns to “voluntarily” give up their lunch.
Until, I showed up.
I was the new one and everyone else got to take a breather as she turned her attention to the skinny little nobody with no friends.
Recess was a nightmare and I hated every minute of it. The other kids kept a safe distance, knowing she’d show up, shove me aside, and grab my lunch.
This went on for a while and it would have gone on indefinitely but something unexpected happened. I didn’t see it coming and I wasn’t prepared for it…
I got tired of being bullied.
I got tired of cowering in the corner. Tired of feeling scared. Tired of letting her walk away with my lunch.
So when the bell rang for recess the next day I made a decision and as everyone rushed to the school canteen I watched her stomp over, right on schedule.
“Give it to me!” she said, pointing at my lunchbox.
I looked up at her, squinting against the afternoon sun.
“No,” I said.
“What did you say?”
“I said no”
Time slowed down and then stood still, just like in the movies.
I could hear the sound of my own breath in the pin drop silence. Everyone stared as we stood there, looking at each other.
Then slowly, deliberately, she turned and walked away.
She never bothered me again (we became friends a few years later but that’s a story for another day!).
Here’s the thing… I can’t remember what day it was, I can’t remember what was in my lunchbox. I can’t remember if I had blue or white ribbons in my hair (the only 2 colors allowed at my strict, Convent school) but I can tell you how I felt the day I stood up to that bully.
Calm. Centered. Certain.
Present.
Life is lived in the now. Not in the past or the future and while it’s important to heal the wounds and pain, from all of the sorrow and trauma we’ve endured, being present is the ONLY place where healing can happen.
It was presence that gave me the courage to stand up for myself, to claim what was mine at recess that day and I didn’t know it then but it would be years before I would feel the depth of presence I felt staring up at that bully.
I think it was Louis Hayes who said…
The point of power is always in the present moment.
Spiritual traditions and teachers like Eckhart Tolle have written entire books about presence.
But what is it, really? How do you invite it in? How can you tell if you’re there?
Mindfulness helps. Meditation helps (but it’s not like you get to sit cross-legged on the grass as the bully strides up demanding to eat your lunch!)
I’ve found there are 3 key states/spaces that we can live in at any given moment – Echo, Essence or Eternity
The Echo is our past.
It doesn’t exist anywhere other than in your mind. It’s where we made our choices based on what we knew at the time. It’s where we won or lost. What happened in the Echo, is no longer in the here and now and living in the Echo triggers regret.
Eternity is the future.
It stretches out ahead us — an endless terrain of possibilities. It’s the stuff that we dream of, the things we envision. It might be a shining, brilliant version of your current life or it might be bleak. Whatever you see, visualize and dream of, it’s not here in the now.
Like the Echo, Eternity doesn’t exist. It’s out there, in front of you, shrouded by the mystical, unknowable future and living in Eternity can trigger anxiety, worry, and fear about what we might miss or what might be.
Then we have Essence and it’s what I think of when I think of presence.
It’s where life happens. It’s the Essence of our very existence, moment by moment because it’s in the here and now and it’s the only place where choice exists.
And choice is everything.
Choice is where you get to respond, choice is where you get to go a different way, your own way. Choice is where you get to take action… or not.
And so the Essence with its infinite choices, is the most powerful, most empowering place to be.
It’s the only place where things change and where healing happens but trying to hold on to the Essence is like trying to grasp water in your hand. It slips through your fingers and it’s because the Echo and Eternity are incredibly alluring — constantly drawing us back to the past or forward to the future, distracting us with what could have been or what might be.
But there’s a simple question you can ask to bring yourself back to Essence, where you get to grasp this elusive energy of presence…
When am I?
When you look at the “when” in your mind, you can identify if you’re in Echo or Eternity. You get to see if you’re longing for a different past or worrying about a future that has yet to arrive.
When am I? gives you that moment you need to bring yourself back to the here and now, back into Essence.
And when you drop into Essence, the regrets of the Echo fall away, the anxieties of Eternity dissolve and all you have left is who and what you need to be and do right here, right now.
When am I? is the tool that lets you tap into the infinite power of the present moment, of Essence
It’s where courage, conviction, love, healing, wisdom – anything and everything you could ever desire – is within reach.
And ultimately, it gives you unlimited choice and unlimited power to transform your reality.