Let’s play a game 🙂
The only rule is you’re not allowed to “think” about your answer and you need to go with the first thing that enters your mind.
Ready?
On a scale of 1% to 100%, where do you stand when it comes to giving?
I’m talking about giving your time, your energy, your attention, your love and devotion to others and it doesn’t matter who’s on the receiving end (it could be work, family, friends, parents, clients, your mastermind buddies)
So, what’s your percentage in giving? Got it? Okay great.
Now, on the same scale of 1% to 100%, how much do you receive from your work and family and friends and everyone else in your life?
What’s your percentage in receiving?
Now I’d like you to compare those 2 numbers. What do you see?
First thing to know…
These aren’t just numbers that popped into your mind. They’ve come up from the unconscious part of you — the intuitive part — of you that knows the truth and they’re reliable indicators on how much you give and receive in your life.
Okay, so I’m going to go ahead and take a wild guess… you give more than you receive (probably way more!)
And I happen to know this not because I’m psychic (although I do have some skills in that department but that’s a story for another day!) but because most people – especially women – are raised to be good, to be kind, to be loving and giving.
Basically, we’re raised and socialized to be nice and so we give and we give and we give.
We watched our parents do it and we probably saw their parents do it.
We watch our heroes do it in the movies (Wonder Woman does it and so does Captain America… who ever heard of a hero that takes as much as she gives, right?)
When you give more than you receive, people say you’re generous or kind or selfless but I have another word for it….
Sacrifice.
A common definition of sacrifice is…
The act of giving up something that is valuable to you in order to help someone else.
Despite what you might have heard it does NO ONE any good when you give up something valuable, something you love, or something that is a part of who you are, for the sake of someone else and here’s why…
Sacrifice breeds all sorts of pain and repressed emotions like resentment and rage.
They’re brewing and seething beneath the surface, waiting for the day when they can finally override our ability to keep it all hidden inside.
And when we lose that tenuous grip, all hell breaks loose.
The rage and resentment pour out of us in an ugly, uncontrollable rush, drowning out our rational, thinking mind and causing us to spew hurtful, harmful words or take thoughtless action in the heat of the moment.
We’ve all been there.
We’ve all had moments we wish we could take back.
And if you trace it all back to the source, you’ll often find that all that pain and heartbreak began a long time ago in the most unlikely place…
The place of generosity in your heart, the place in your mind where you believe giving more than you receive is the right thing to do.
But here’s the truth…
Giving without receiving can transform the world’s nicest person into a ticking time bomb of rage and resentment and that’s definitely not what we want.
So, here’s my suggested antidote: Radical Receiving.
It’s a simple practice with just one goal… find reasons, excuses and opportunities to receive.
It’s about saying things like “Thank you so much! I’d love your help!”
It’s about NOT being the first one to volunteer.
It’s about creating space to do what you want and not what others expect you to do.
So if you’re up for it, let’s start with a simple intentional devotion to this practice…
Consciously tune into your heart and say to yourself (or out loud):
I am ready to receive all that is good and true and aligned for me.
I am ready to receive love and light and healing.
I am ready to receive my desires and my dreams
I am ready to receive love and support.
When you’re done devote the day or half a day or an hour, to looking for opportunities to receive.
And when you do, take it with a smile and a thank you.
Receive compliments, gifts, offers for help.
Receive time, attention, and love from those who want to give.
When your friend or partner or mom says, “So what do you want for dinner?” Receive their kind offer to let you choose and give them an honest answer (resist saying, “Let’s have whatever you want!”)
Be patient. Radical Receiving will feel super stranger at least at the start because it’s essentially about taking.
And when you’ve practiced giving a lot, it’s going to be a while before you can get to the place where you feel good receiving.
But don’t give up. Just like any muscle, keep using your “receiving” muscle and you’ll build it up to the point where it starts to feel as good as giving.
And that’s when you get to bring your whole self, true sweet self, to all your relationships.
No resentment. No regrets.